Analysis of my short story: "You Won't Find It Here."

I slacked on my newsletter. Not sure why, I’ll bloviate on that later. But now, I’m back to DELIVERING DEEP VALUE.

As promised, below you will find a beat-by-beat analysis of my pinned short story: "YOU WON'T FIND IT HERE." If you haven't read it yet, read the pinned tweet, then this.

I was at the Indian takeout place, downtown, in what may as well be Gotham city, but alas, it is my own.

A troubled young man with a telephoto lens-equipped camera and a six-foot walking stick enters, watches me curiously as I pay for my takeout order.

I lean against the stool next to his, as he continues staring at me.

THE "OPENING" IS DESIGNED TO FIRMLY ROOT YOU IN SET, SETTING, STAKES, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, RAISE CURIOSITY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

THE AUDIENCE SHOULD NEVER LOSE THAT CURIOSITY - IT IS WHAT BUILDS TRUST, AND MAKES THEM WANT TO CONTINUE READING.

ALSO, IF YOU’RE STORY DOES NOT OPEN IN THE PRESENT TENSE, YOU WANT TO MOVE INTO IT QUICKLY TO DELIVER A SENSE OF IMMEDIACY.

I pretend not to notice. It looks like I'm scrolling my phone.

I'm not. Instead, I'm sizing him up in my peripheral vision, paying special attention to the movement of the stick (he's cradling it, not clutching it), then taking stock of where my body is, and how fast I could execute a various number of defensive maneuvers, should the encounter demand it.

I am a martial artist and my training exists for moments like this. If you knew how dangerous my city was, you'd understand.

"RISING ACTION" SHOULD INCREASE THE STAKES ALONG REALISTIC LINES, PROPORTIONAL TO THE WAY YOU'VE SET THINGS UP. PUT ANOTHER WAY, IF AN ALIEN TELEPORTED IN TO THE STORY AND VAPORIZED US, THAT WOULD BREAK THE AUDIENCE'S TRUST, AND TAKE THEM OUT OF THE STORY.

I am a martial artist and my training exists for moments like this.

If you knew how dangerous my city was, you'd understand.

"Hey," he says, talking to me.

I remain fixed on my phone and cock my head a little, emitting a vibe of "maybe he's talking to someone else." But there's just two of us in the waiting area and he's barely six feet from me.

"Hey!" his voice resounds.

HIM TALKING TO ME RAISES THE STAKES AGAIN, IN THE CONTEXT OF THE STORY, THIS MAN IS NO LONGER CONCEPTUAL - HE'S COMMUNICATING WITH ME AND SEEMS AGGRESSIVE, SO I, AS "THE MAIN CHARACTER" HAVE TO ADJUST ACCORDINGLY.

THIS IS A "TURNING POINT." WE ARE NOW IN "ACT 2."

"Hey," I reply calmly, returning his attention and getting a straight-on look at him. He's about 6' 2", ropy, lives on the street and judging by his intense "thousand yard stare," either schizophrenic, or in some degree of hard-drug withdrawal.

THE STAKES CONTINUE TO RAISE.

For spiritual reasons, and to not intimidate him, I'm careful not to look directly in his eyes, but instead from the bridge of his nose to his chin and back again.

MY DESCRIPTION OF BEING CAREFUL ADDS COLOR TO THE DANGER I AM AIMING TO PORTRAY.

He asks, "Did you ever grow up?"

A little taken aback, but not showing it, I answer, "thats kind of vague, man."

SHIT GETS WEIRDER…

He replied "Yeah, maybe it's vague. It wasn't a question."

After an uncomfortable pause, "Maybe it was, I'll have to think about it."

The result of my response and his analysis of it results in agitation. He's mad now. He clutches his stick. Knuckles white.

I RATCHET UP THE TENSION YET AGAIN.

"Alright, let's fuckin' do this, I think to myself."

A longer pause ensues.

He finally asks, "Are you in the CIA? You're in the CIA." I say "No, I don't hold any government job."

He seems confused. More agitated. The air is impossibly tense now. This guy looks like he's going to lose his shit, and the locus of his frustration is me.

IT LOOKS LIKE COMMUNICATION COULD TURN TO VIOLENCE. I ADD AS MUCH TENSION AS IS REALISTICALLY POSSIBLE. THIS THEMATIC TURN CONSTITUTES THE “BREAK” INTO "ACT III."

Then... The woman behind the counter calls his name,

THE ABOVE SENTENCE IS THE "CLIMAX." THE MOMENT WHERE IT SEEMS LIKE THE TENSION CAN GO NO HIGHER.

and extends the bag with the biryani he ordered.

It's as if someone pulled the plug on the tension tub.

THIS IS THE "CATHARSIS." THE MOMENT AFTER THE CLIMAX. THE MOMENT WHERE THE DRAGON IS SLAIN - THE PROMISE OF A NEW WORLD, OR AT THE VERY LEAST, THE LARGEST ENERGETIC PHASE SHIFT IN THE STORY SO FAR.

He takes the bag and walks past me toward the door. As he passes, he stops... ...and whispers calmly, "The answers you're looking for, you wont find them."

THIS IS THE "BUT WAIT" MOMENT, OR THE "HIGH TOWER SURPRISE - SOMETHING OUT OF LEFT FIELD THAT YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING, THAT SPINS THE STAKES OFF IN ANOTHER DIRECTION. THAT (A) IS ENTERTAINING, WHILE (B) NOT VIOLATING THE RULES OF THE STORY.

He exits and the door closes behind him.

I move to the door and make sure he's moving down the block, then resume waiting for my takeout order, head exploding.

AND WITH THE ABOVE PARAGRAPH, I LET ALL THE TENSION OUT... THUS BEGINS THE "DENOUEMENT" OR THE DESCRIPTION OF THE STORY'S "END STATE."

While arguably the ravings of a madman, did God put this message in my path with this man as the conduit? I will never know.

SO THE ENDING IS A DIFFERENT THAN WHAT THE AUDIENCE WAS EXPECTING - THE THEMATIC POLARITY THEY THOUGHT THEY WERE EXPERIENCING WAS VIOLENCE/NO VIOLENCE, BUT IT WAS ACTUALLY MORE OF A PHILOSOPHICAL QUESTION, LIKE, "IF A TREE FALLS IN THE FOREST, AND THERE IS NO ONE AROUND TO HEAR IT, DOES IT MAKE A SOUND?"

I do know my lunch was tasty, and will return.

SO A STORY LIKE THIS FOLLOWS A DRAMATIC PROGRESSION...

OPENING.

RISING ACTION.

BREAK INTO ACT 2.

ACT 2.

BREAK INTO ACT 3.

ACT 3.

CLIMAX.

CATHARSIS.

END STATE.

WHAT KEEPS THE AUDIENCE HOOKED IS THE DESIRE TO KNOW MORE, THE FACT THAT I DIDN'T VIOLATE THE STAKES BY INSERTING AN UNREALISTIC STORY POINT, AND EFFECTIVELY USING THESE STORY CHANGES TO RATCHET UP THE TENSION, UNTIL I FINALLY POP THE TENSION BALLOON, AND LEAVE THEM WITH A PARADOX THEY DIDN'T EXPECT THAT… AND HERE’S THE KICKER… (A). MAKES THEM THINK, AND (B.) ILLUMINATES THE STORY IN A DIFFERENT WAY.

I would love it if you wrote a short story. I would be happy to analyze it.

That’s all for now. If this was valuable, share it please.

I’ll see you on the path,

Patrick Christell

P.S. If you want to know how I was able to do deep work, at will, for twenty years, in the highest echelon of the most competitive form of professional writing known to humankind, click here.

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I am a professional storyteller.

I’ve been doing it for over two decades. I’ve synthesized everything I’ve learned into a self-actualization framework wherein anyone can apply the structure of epic storytelling toward becoming not only a master storyteller, but the master of their own life story. I call this StoryChanging. For more, browse the rest of my newsletter here, follow me on X or check out my website.

If you have any questions, or just want to chat, feel free to reach out on X DMs or via the email link on my website.